Hello, I'm DebbieJayne.

The U.S. recognizes Mental Health Awareness in May, while September is National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. Both bring attention to our mental health and well-being, attempting to reduce any stigmas that may still exist. Though the calendar limits these to 2 months out of the year, we absolutely should not follow suit.

 

I know that life can get so hard that at times if feels like we're drowning. We don't allow anyone because there's always a danger that we'd pull them in, so it gets hard accepting an extended hand. 

​

The journey can be unmanageable and overwhelming, as if entering a dark and frightening tunnel. All we can see is what's right in front of us and nothing more. Trying to give our focus to what's happening next week, next year, or in 5 years didn't matter. All that mattered in those moments was escaping the life I found myself in. I can still remember the heaviness I used to live with every day, feeling like "it was all just too much."

​

I was on a path just trying to survive. But the thing about desperation is that it has a tendency to lead to bad decisions.

 

That tunnel vision of stress makes it impossible to see that there are other paths, better paths around us. Being intimately familiar with the darkness of this tunnel vision, I share with others who struggle that there is life outside our viewpoint. Trust that we all have the ability to experience so much more than what we can see right in front of us. I'm so grateful that I didn't give up hope and also hope you hold onto yours, as well.

​

I personally struggled with suicide for over 20 years (ideations and planning). This was brought on by a variety of traumas, recommended prescriptions, alcohol-abuse, physical health diagnoses, their accompanying prognoses, and life's many complications.

 

I can't begin to describe the amount of joy I now have being on this side of health and happiness. I am immensely grateful for not having done something so definitive over a series of circumstances that were temporary, even if it could've been seen as understandable or justified. Because no one knew what could've been in front of me. And no one could've predicted that I'd overcome and rise to success- especially not me. Not from that vantage point.

​

Looking back, it all makes sense, like some of the mile markers were laid out for me. As if it was up to me to determine how I'd get there, but that I was still to get there.

​

After years of intensive therapy, I found myself no longer needing to be understood, professing that “I am enough."

​​

We're all so much more than enough when we give ourselves the chance and take the right steps.

 

These days, my reality is filled with constant wonder and magic. This has allowed me to reflect honestly on all the darkness and the pain that I’ve endured, as a beautiful part of my story- because It Didn’t End There. Because, I didn’t end there- even though there were many times I thought I should.

 

I felt justified in what I wanted to do. I thought others would understand wanting me to end the physical pain of health complications and the unbearable agony of never feeling good enough- good enough to be happy, to have a fulfilling life, to have a community and people that loved me for just being me.

 

How could anyone put up with that special blend of “me” that I had come to be -off the wall, expressive and beyond sensitive, and sometimes explosive? But the moment these words came out of my mouth, I recognized that I had finally arrived at a point where I was thankful to be me. I had absolutely no desire to be anyone else and don’t think I ever will again.

​

It’s on this side of healing that I know that my story is worth telling, worth sharing, but most importantly worth having lived through, so that I could continue reconfiguring it how it should've been all along. I have so many more stories now-- of joy, of love, of connection, of miracles and magic…and they’ve all been made possible because I also had faith.

 

I refused to let go. I refused to let the fire in me become extinguished. And I refused to let my story end.

 

Life is truly a miraculous occasion. It’s here and then it’s gone.  Not everyone gets an equal shot or gets put on an equal playing field, whether by external or internal resources. We can’t possibly know what’s to come, until we’ve let it arrive, but we owe it to ourselves- our eternal selves, to see things through, to discover our inner depths, and to untangle our lives from what we’ve gotten ourselves all wrapped up in- regardless if by circumstance or otherwise.

 

Today, I no longer worry about “the shoe dropping.” I don’t walk on eggshells, nor do I have others walking on eggshells for being around me. I wake up happy to be taking another breath and I find as many opportunities to dance in a day, as I can.

 

I’ve overcome so much more than I ever thought I’d be able to, because I learned to use the tools I already had. I picked up new ones. I learned to be kinder to myself, and I learned to rely on the amazing people who love me. These are the reasons that I’ve continued to succeed and to thrive. Thank you all for adding to the blessings of my life and for unconditionally loving me as I am.

​​​

If you’re having trouble, PLEASE don’t cut your life short because you feel you’ve run out of options. Find someone you trust to talk to. Get connected to resources that assist, like NAMI.org. Join a support group (virtually/in-person), or dial 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. You can also message me for more information on resources, or for further support.

 

Again, thank you.

Thank you for being a part my story and for just being you.

 

In case no one told you, You Are Enough.