FromWrecked 2WARRIOR
Audio Mini e-Book
No matter how smart or capable we are, experiencing abuse and trauma, or having a high ACE Score can leave anyone feeling wrecked and weighed down. For some of us, once survival mode has been activated, our discernment becomes severely impaired. Being tactful feels restrained, and our patience seems to encounter every annoyance. This leaves us more susceptible to depression, anxiety, and self-insecurities. All acting like parasites trying to hijack our autonomy. Our self-destructive defense mechanisms also make it harder to spot new tools, or worse yet, leave us incapable of using what we already have. At the same time, they prevent us from learning new skills, depletes our energy, and limits our access to the joy & happiness we’re meant to experience. Our suffering makes it easy to overlook the Easter Eggs being hidden for us to find. We miss out on the magic being offered through heart-warming connections and the opportunities that could follow. Instead, we’re left distracted, searching for some hero, as if someone’s going to come and save us from the madness we aimlessly wandered into. In our quest towards self-salvation, we’ve become unreasonable. We’ve become the Asshole no one wants to battle. Not long after, most of us, find ourselves alone. We end up wallowing in darkness conflicted by the sense of self we think we’re supposed to be. Even with the news broadcasting wars being waged all around us, what we feel most strongly overwhelmed by is the war we’ve been battling inside. We’ve been running from the simple truth – that we cannot fix what we cannot face, nor will endlessly pushing our feeling down help with wishing them away. Once we see that our toxic behaviors are just our attempt to control on the outside, what we’re unable to control on the inside, we can really begin to give ourselves what we need. After all, Happiness isn’t about satisfying what you’re without, but instead fulfilling who you are within. As Carl Gustav Jung, Swiss psychiatrist and founder of analytical psychology, once quoted, “One does not become enlightened by imaging figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.” I like to think that this means that dancing with our shadow, positions us to be better embraced by the light. This is my story.
There is a season I call "The Great Dismantling." It was the darkest period of my life. Though I’ve had many, this one was more intense than all of them combined. I was experiencing a mix of physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual attacks daily. Having come from childhood abuse, I suffered from depression from a very young age. The effects from being in a perpetual state of survival, with an ACE Score of 9, led me to a mountain of medical diagnoses and a pile of prescriptions. There were unexpected side effects intensifying my depression, leaving me idealizing suicide. Sadly, it was a long 7 year battle weening off of something that was supposed to offer me hope. It’s all too common as the first means of recovery to be handed a prescription for outside circumstances. I think this further pushed the chaos outside of me to collide with the chaos that had been festering on the inside. I guess this is why becoming an asshole became my preferred defensive mechanism. It seemed like a natural choice – having had enough resentment and anger to last me a lifetime. I spent decades trying to drink away the pain, unknowing that I would eventually reach my breaking point. As fate would have it, after the last series of concurrent traumas – which included my father’s death – a violent drug-induced assault, coping with the nightmare that followed a coerced and regrettable surgery, and the end of a toxic trauma-bond, I would begin to experience episodes of disassociation. Not long after, the Psychogenic Non-Epileptic Seizures that had previously developed would be accompanied by bouts of aphasia and sun-downing. As I’ve come to understand it, having that list of symptoms contend with the additional anxiety, PTSD, and Meniere’s Disease, along with the compounded amount of trauma, and years of self-abuse ultimately caused my nervous system to become so dysregulated, I could no longer function. I did what I could to mask around others, but also found that I was masking alone. I didn’t want to face my decline. But I knew it was time to move back home when I found myself crying, in front of a wide open fridge like a deer caught in the headlights. I couldn’t process how to physically: “lift my arm up to get the plate from the shelf, put the food on the plate, and put the plate in the microwave.” Something about formulating steps became just as challenging as if you’d ask me to complete an obstacle course. So, I moved back to my hometown, to a place I’d escaped twice before Hoping never to return to again – at least not for the long-term. For most of us, it’s a hell we’re all too happy to leave behind. But I had arrived in hell. Depths so deep I thought I’d never escape. There were often times when I was unable to control my body or its movements. I couldn’t always maintain control when organizing my thoughts or when trying to follow-through with the same set of actions I had once become accustomed to. I felt stuck in every way that mattered. My nervous system was glitching so severely, I was having seizures several times an hour, every single day for almost for 2 years straight. The gut complications led to multiple hospital visits, bringing me down to 84 pounds – the hollows around my eyes darkening by the day. And the stress began to strain my heart. “The Great Dismantling” – it uncovered what I truly made of, offering the perfect environment to break me apart from who I thought I was, pointing me to who I’ve always been. It is where I learned my worth and discovered a gratitude for my breath. When I was unable to move, speak, or express myself in any capacity, I was finally able to understand that I was not my body, and I was not my thoughts. Suffering acted like a cleansing, breaking the armor that encased me. The pressure would break me out of the captivity I had been punishing myself with, which helped shape me into a WARRIOR that would save themselves. I often remind myself of Carl Jung’s wise words: “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.” I’ve gained a perspective that lets me see magic everywhere I go, creating a life of intention that I no longer have to escape. And I have learned to make space for every part of me that shows up, as I am always ready to dance with my shadow, knowing that it can only equip me with more light. Sometimes, we can find the truth on the other side of madness – our Wonderland, our Heaven waiting to be discovered.
It was pretty early on when I started realizing that no one was coming to save me. I remember seeing the abuse my mom had to endure on a regular basis. Maybe it was because she was such a soft-spoken, sweet, and accommodating person. It wasn’t hard to see the contrast my father displayed, life happening on his demand. Trauma has a way of changing a person. Some run from it, some freeze, while others, like my mom, stay, doing what they can to “make things better for everyone.” I wasn’t like my mom, though. At least, I tried doing what I could not to be. I guess that’s when I started considering myself “a fighter,” taking on my father’s template, as I became an asshole to survive. I fought my past, my fears, my shame, my family, my friends, but ultimately – I fought myself. Whether a child, a teen, or as an adult, I think most of us at one time or another- have hoped for some hero to come and save us…or at the very least, to listen empathetically to our pain and about our struggle. I know I have. For as long as I spent fighting, it was no surprise that my nervous system had become severely dysregulated. It began to affect how my body responded to my thoughts and how I was able to respond to my environment. The way we are wired is based on our need to survive. Every part of our mental, emotional, and physical self seeks safety and stability. “The Great Dismantling” took me on a complex and intense journey of healing, requiring that I: level up, remove my armor, and learn not to fight, but instead to surrender. I had to learn new skills to live in a new environment, both externally and internally within myself. I learned to pay attention to what was happening inside of me, as intently as I began paying attention to what was happening around me. The WARRIOR Method helped me find my peace and arrive at joy. Strengthening my intuition provided me with an internal sense of safety and an external sense of stability through healing and acceptance. I learned the alchemy of my energy and through the fire that rages within, and out of those ashes- new life has emerged. I was able to stop being my own worst enemy, and become best friends with my Shadow. I transitioned safely back into a regulated state, and for the first time I found that I was well-adjusted mentally, emotionally, and physically. In the process I’d also become the WARRIOR I was searching for all along.
A note to my younger self. Little girl, you are bigger than a mountain and more powerful than a river. You are the calm between storms and a rainbow on a sunny afternoon. You are the reason I stand here with all that I have today. No matter how afraid you were, you always did what you needed to, even when no one was strong enough to hold our hand. You’re my superhero. I could never do what I’m doing now without you, and all that you were capable of. You did more than just survive. Your strength and determination, your will and bravery are the reasons I’m able to stand here with joy and acceptance in my heart. You didn’t just surpass, you excelled at every expectation and at every turn, but still more was asked of you. You had to learn how to go from one extreme to the other, from one moment to the next just to stay safe, just to stay sane. You became okay with that, figuring out that you’d learn more about life in a shorter amount of time and welcomed the challenge, bending in whatever way was required. You taught yourself to appreciate the contrast, to enjoy having to switch from one extreme to the next, convincing yourself that it would only toughen you up in the process. You were incredible at always looking for ways to solve problems, even those under the surface. If there was ever anything worth sharing to help lessen your load or offer support in a way that only you would appreciate, I’d say that to help you take full advantage of “everything endured” swap your “switch” for a “dial.” Seeing the extremes of your experiences as opportunities, “surf the dial,” to experience the vastness of the magic, rather than being like a switch, flipping from one extreme to the next. You see, my tiny Warrior, the magic lives in the vastness of all that exists, rather than at the edges of circumstance. Being able to flow freely without restriction is more important than standing on one side or the other. This is where wholeness can be found. So, although you may still end up getting lost within yourself because of the heaviness you were always asked to carry, know that you made way for living our most fulfilling life.
I guess I was around 28 the last time I started making decisions about where I wanted to go in life and consciously trying to figure out how I was going to get there. Believe me when I say that I took inventory of all the things I was tired of living with: the guilt, shame, loneliness, the regret, and the anger- all the stuff that I felt had been weighing me down, holding me back from my potential- not just on a professional level, but on a personal one- even an intimate one. I faced a lot of tough challenges, like figuring out when to fight and when to surrender. Or learning to dissect my beliefs to re-determine what follow-through should look like. I practiced going outside of my comfort zone to explore the depths of my pain. And, as I began my pursuit to live my purpose in serving or helping others, I found that I also had some difficult truths to learn. Peer support training taught me that it’s up to the problem-holder to become the problem-solver, forcing me to understand that it wasn’t in my power to save anyone else. It taught me that my power was in showing up, in creating space, and in being present. I learned that in order to support others, I should relate through my own lived-experience, be ethically responsible for myself, and lead using the procedures we had in place. Today the procedures I’ve adopted come as a simple framework that takes someone from wrecked to warrior. The WARRIOR Method is a transpersonal wellness approach designed to provide balance, while helping me create stability and strengthen my intuition. Even at times I’d find myself lost, The WARRIOR Method always got me back to center, helping me to keep going in the right direction. With enough awareness and mindfulness, I no longer find myself trying to pour from an empty cup. I’ve learned how to recognize my needs. I now treat emotional pain, as I treat physical pain, understanding that the alerts I receive help me to avoid serious suffering, or future injury. These days, I’ve made peace knowing that whether good or bad, pleasant or painful – I won’t passively live life. I choose to play a role in how I experience it. With self-compassion and self-care, I gift myself the opportunity to handle whatever might come next. Grateful for the integration, I’m thankful for being able to positively influence my path.
After I experienced a traumatic incident, I was left unable to process what had happened. I suppose it was far too much for my mind to wrap itself around that it took me from craving chaos to seeking certainty. In fear and in survival, I became a type-A personality. Being a highly sensitive person, this hyper-focus AWARDED me an unlimited drive to follow my inner compass. Through a lot of hard work, I’ve found balance in following my heart, while allowing My intellect to get me there. Internally guided, I was fortunate enough to start a project that would offer me support in the process. I decided to FOCUS all of my efforts in creating something that would specifically help me resolve my depression, as if it was some kind of al-chemical formula. The hope was to come up with something that could also be used by others. I sat down and within a month had written what would eventually become The WARRIOR Method. This guidebook shines light on how anyone can find their way out of the darkness that we call depression. I could have never anticipated all that it could evolve into one day. The goal is to get it published. The mission is to create a fellowship, a certification program for future coaches, and a sanctuary wellness space for events & workshops, and perhaps even a co-op. I’m also working on a Podcast and a couple of Workshop Series, alongside 2 other eBook projects. I’m excited to share easy and fun ways to help you manage stress, tap into your intuition, and help you discover that you were the WARRIOR you’d been searching for all along.
Are you feeling stressed— and out of control? Is negativity making you wanna hit someone or break something? Is impatience causing you to hate everything and everyone? If you or someone you know is afraid of your fire, but you’re more afraid of having it burn out— Look no further! Check out Assholes Anonymous today! Hi, my name is Debbie, and I am an asshole… I think it ‘be great if there were meetings for assholes in recovery. They’d come with all the benefits of Anger Management, without any of the court docs or restraining orders. I can imagine it now… Side Effects may include: people sitting in a circle supporting each other, learning healthy and practical ways to break harmful cycles though shared experience, storytelling that may offer hope in preventing future disasters, and a support system of others who know the struggles of being an asshole. If you’re ready to create a functioning lifestyle that leaves bitterness and resentment behind, look no further! Reach out today! Operators are standing by. Advertisement paid by Rants of an Angry Empath- The Podcast Series, brought to you by FromWrecked2WARRIOR, LLC. Do it like a WARRIOR, with Intention, Direction, and Follow-Through.
As someone with over 40 years of pain and suffering, I think it’s important that people understand that we don’t actually have to spend a lifetime in hell, just to have access to heaven. Life doesn’t just consist of coping and trying to stay above water. It can get complicated, because dysregulation comes in many forms. Sometimes, no matter how much we crave the calm, we’re pulled into the chaos. We become more and more unreasonable, as our needs go unmet. Thankfully, the WARRIOR Method taught me what I needed to do, why I needed to do it, and how to go about doing it. It was designed according to my needs, though customized based on my unique level of stubbornness. We can learn to tame our fire, so we don’t burn everything to the ground. With self-awareness, it becomes easier to see that our fire serves a purpose. And it is our self-control that allows our fire to offer us comfort and protection, even if only by showing us the shadow that we cast. We don’t have to go in search of anyone to come save us, if we put effort in finding ourselves. The power of a WARRIOR comes from: Welcoming our breath Accepting the silence Reflecting on who we are and who we’re not Recognizing what needs to change Integrating mindfulness Offering gratitude and Resourcing the Rest.
When I was going through hell, the danger I was most aware of, was the one of losing my mind. Trauma and tragedy can tear us apart in much the same way, but we don’t have to fear going through the fire, when enough of it rages on inside of us. I went FromWrecked2WARRIOR and then went from pain to purpose, making sure not to lose my mind, my fire, or myself. As an asshole in recovery, I know how bad things keep us in a bad place, while inviting more of the bad in. But no matter how many ways I tried to escape Hell, It Was as ifI was always being led right back in— having to feel every part of me Ensnared by its grip: every emotion and every thought. These days, “we’re all mad here,” Everyone seemingly infected by the Misery they keep as company. As I explored the depths of myself and everything around me, I found that the more I understood about my journey, the crazier reality seemed. Because not everything in the mirror is as close as it appears, and still, it is only what our mind can conceive, that it will believe. What I could see were the cracks throughout my foundation, some places where reinforcement and support were needed, and others— where walls should come down. I knew my strength, what kept me together while staying in the fight, came from my inner fire. I found that it burned brighter the more deeply I connected to my intuition. There was a time when I felt as Mindless as the March Hare, then feeling more like the White Rabbit, going from madness to magic on my path into Wonderland. Along the way, I practiced alchemizing my fire, as often as the Mad Hatter serves tea. While in search of transpersonal healing, I challenged my sense of identity, like the Caterpillar sitting on a mushroom. As I repeatedly asked myself who I was, I reflected on who I’ve been, just trying to figure out who I wanted to be. I’ve learned to make intentional choices while firmly planted, stubbornly refusing to lose hope. I know exactly where I’m headed, certain of my direction. My shadow, once acted like the Queen of Hearts, my inner child like the King. But still I learned how to turn quicksilver into the Golden insight connecting to my Higher Self, Feeling Whole by the beauty of God’s grace. I found gratitude for my breath, always making sure to hold onto hope. It is what gives us purpose, something to look forward to, and to strive for. In hope, we find connection, understanding what is truly sacred. It is through hope that we awaken to the possibility that things can always get better. I think it’s important that we never be afraid to hope, and to leave room for a toothy grin to appear from behind the clouds. Magic exists if we choose to take the first step towards the Adventure.
Having gone from war to Wonderland, I never could’ve anticipated how simple life would get. I no longer struggle and rarely feel symptoms of pain. Life still comes with its discomforts, but now it’s more like gliding on a sail boat. I’m no longer treading water, going nowhere. These days, I’m taking the time to enjoy all of life’s wonders with a big, bright smile– shining from the inside out. Sometimes, I feel like a-walking-Greeting-Card of cheer, overflowing with contentment and gratitude. It’s as if I traveled upstream to the top of a mountain that I once spent my life carrying. Although the initial framework that’s become The WARRIOR Method, quickly flowed out of me, I added many layers to it throughout the years. Based on my lived-experience and through the array of medical issues and trauma, I began regularly incorporating vagus nerve exercises, somatic and other breathing techniques, and dove into alternative methods like red light therapy, and healing frequencies, while getting comfortable with expressing myself through art and movement. I also incorporate Attachment Theory, Inner Child/Parent concepts, Shadow Work, and explored with lots of Self-Discovery Exercises. In researching neuroscience, such as neuroplasticity and epigenetics, combined with both physical laws and the integration of meditation and prayer, I was able to receive benefits I never could have anticipated. Adding in community helped to provide me a safe space to process, offered additional support, & helped me understand how to rebuild trust again. After all was said and done, I had reintegrated back into the world with Peace and Wholeness, recognizing all of the Magic and Miracles, with a new ability to see a muse no matter where I looked. We all trek our own path, experiencing our own journey; and effects may vary, of course, based on dedication, investment, connection level, and so on, but I have no doubt that every future WARRIOR is worth the investment. And certain that the best tool for the job is The WARRIOR Method, personalization offered for both recovering assholes and WARRIORS alike. The WARRIOR Method is customizable, flexible, and still offers measureable progress without chasing perfection. This makes it sustainable for the long term, improving quality of the life, providing a real sense of satisfaction, and revealing our own value and worth. Above all, having the right community in our corner takes fellowship to a higher level. In the process, we’re offered spiritual grace, healing, and growth. I am so excited to be creating mind-stimulating & community-oriented experiences based on my skillset, my passions, & my purpose. I couldn’t be happier to teach artists, musicians, and business professionals how to tame, honor, & use their fire. It is my hope that in helping them heal, evolve, and excel personally and professionally, these change-makers, in their renewed inner light, will ripple out inspiration into the world. Although I still consider myself as an asshole in recovery, I’ll always think of myself as a work-in-progress. Because it’s about progress, not perfection. In progress, I found gratitude no longer being as defensive or disconnected as I once was; no longer ego-driven, but heart-centered; no longer on auto-pilot, but mindful of my choices as I make them. I have gone FromWrecked2WARRIOR, pushing myself from pain to purpose. I went from war to Wonderland, and my journey is far from over. I’m just getting started alchemizing my fire into fulfillment. It’s a good time to reach out if you’re ready to do the same.
Disclaimer: I am a non-clinical counselor and nothing I’ve shared is intended to replace any medical advice, medical treatment or healthcare. I do not diagnose or prescribe medication.
My practice is in educating and sharing what I have learned and have personally experienced. you’ve received from any medical advisor, but instead to offer information that may help you make a more informed decision, alongside your health professionals.
I do not believe that there is a one-size-fits-all solution for self-care, mental health, or the like, and encourage anyone listening to make your choices based on your informed decisions, testing out what best fits and what doesn’t.
Anything you can offer is greatly appreciated. Together, we can impact the change-makers in a positive way, helping create positive ripples. Donations help to offset the costs associated with workshop supplies, travel expenses, and a resource podcast.
Thank you so very much for your support and helping to make all this possible.
Although the focus is in doing social good, FromWrecked2WARRIOR, LLC, is not a Not for Profit.